Seven Silly Superstitions

(Arranged in order of rank.)

Superstition No. 1: Two things are certain in life, death and taxes.

Preposterous, I’ve never heard such a crazy thing. It is impossible to die while living your life, don’t you agree? So death can’t be a certain thing in life.

And taxes, plenty of people don’t pay taxes, I just haven’t figured out how they do it. Okay, so you say that most people who avoid taxes get caught, like most the people in Hollywood, but there was once a person who didn’t pay a cent of taxes. The funny bunny who ate honey and liked money. The little bunny never paid taxes even though he had lots of money. It could be because he ruled the world, but that’s just speculation.

Superstition No. 2: Chickenfoot doesn’t know anything about writing serious nonfiction.

If you’ve read any of my work, I’m sure you can see why this one is bogus.

Superstition No. 3: Black cats, walking under ladders, and breaking mirrors are bad luck.

None of those things are bad luck. Why, I saw eight black cats, walked under at least a dozen ladders, and broke as many mirrors just the other day and—just a minute, my secretary just walked in……Okay, I think I changed my mind about this bad luck stuff. I’ll try to finish writing this thing before the hit men arrive…

Superstition No. 4: Witches are eviiiiiiiiiiiiil, na, ha, ha, ha, ha.

First, which witch are you talking about? Second, is it a broom-flying witch or just one of those cheap excuses for witches that you find on the street? And besides, witches don’t exist. Honestly, I’m looking out a window now and I—…………. I really need to stop drinking beer, especially the root brand. I thought I just saw someone fly past my window on a broom.

Superstition No. 5: Legends and myths have their roots in fact.

Honestly, since when do legends have roots? They’re stories, not plants!

Superstition No. 6: Elvis was a space alien.

I’ll admit that on first appearance it looks that way, but not even space aliens could possibly have such a bad voice. Clearly, he was just an apparition that many people saw (probably due to some weird fever that nobody knows about).

Superstition No. 7: People who don’t own a some sort of Play Station are uncool.

What’s a Play Station?

Published in: on July 22, 2007 at 4:23 PM  Comments (7)  

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7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I guess I’m uncool.

    We do have an XBox but I’ve never played it.

  2. Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation 🙂 Anyway … nice blog to visit.

    cheers, Hoops

  3. I live on 2nd street with my friends..
    and i think that they gave me a apple for
    my birthday
    but there was a wormhole in my chicken soup!then i went to live with that one really old man down the street who gave me dave my tracter..

  4. Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.

  5. This is the worst super stition site in the whole fucking world go to disgruntled human

  6. this was so dumb

  7. 😦 these arent even funny!!!

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